Smiles from a Flower

«Plus on grandit, plus on a peur. »
The bigger we get, the more afraid we are.

I own a book called 2,001 Things to Do Before You Die. It has motivated me in many ways. It’s the reason that I made such an ordeal of seeing David in Florence and splurging on my gondola ride in Venice. It’s also inspired me to go skinny dipping, attempt to make pizza from scratch, and take up knitting. The joy I get from ticking off those little boxes after accomplishing something is wonderful. Thus this summer, a friend and I made another list for me. This special set of tasks is for the next eight months. Things to keep me motivated and involved as I carry out this French adventure.

“BreAnna’s List of Awesomeness!!”
17. Treat yourself to fresh flowers every once and awhile.

I came prepared for this one. While still back in the States, I found a flat vase that puffs out once filled with water. Perfect! Now all I needed to do was find fresh flowers. I had heard of the once weekly market in Commercy, so my first Monday here, I set out with one thing in mind: des fleurs. As I went up several aisles and down numerous more, I came out empty handed. The next day, while exploring the town, I came across a flower shop. The bouquets, however, were premade complete with signs of condolences on the loss of loved ones. Not quite the right vibe for my apartment.

Two weeks later, my vase is still sitting empty on my kitchen table.

It’s been difficult these past few days. Now that I’m back from my vacationing and past my initial move in period, it feels like it’s time to make Commercy home. This past Sunday I went to church. I’ve spent hours at the café. Yet no one has talked to me. A goal I made for myself was to get involved in a community activity. I have a whole book of things to choose from, but most have to do with some sort of political or parent group. Or there’s always archery and fishing. Needless to say, there aren’t many items that pertain to me. It’s getting me down. I’m not necessarily lonely. It’s been nice to have time for myself, yet with each day that I sit alone in my apartment, I can’t help but think it’s a day wasted improving my French.

So yesterday, instead of watching French TV, I decided to make my way to the city center before the shops all closed at 7pm. I found myself in front of the tourist office and the library, both of which had closed an hour earlier. While wondering back up the hill, I spotted some flowers on the sidewalk. This shop was exactly what I had been looking for! Yet it was twenty to seven and I couldn’t quite tell if they were open or not. Instead of going on in, I took a stroll back and forth, debating what to do. It’s so silly, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown more afraid of the world around me. So what if the shop is closed? Then I’ll go back the next day. Why would such a simple thing even need consideration? But that’s not how I was thinking. After a few minutes of pacing, I finally kicked myself in the butt and entered. As I browsed the selection, the shop owner came out and began chatting with me. I chose a beautiful pink flower, and while she wrapped it, she carried on, asking if I was English.

“No, I’m American.”
“You must be the English assistant at the high school. I know everything around here,” she said with a smirk.

We both laughed. She told me her daughter goes to the lycée and has Mme. Braudel for an English teacher. We discussed my plans for the holidays and how I like Commercy so far. As she handed me my neatly wrapped packaged, she smiled saying,

« Je vous les offre. » (A gift for you.)
« Non, non, » I politely refused.
« Oui! Une petite bienvenue à Commercy. » (Yes! A little welcome to Commercy. )

In the midst of my fear and low spirits, such a small thing meant the world. If I wouldn’t have made myself go in the shop, I would have gone home sad and lonely that night. But thanks to this kind woman, the whole way home I couldn’t help but smile.

The flowers that are now sitting on my table are a lovely reminder that there are people here who want to get to know me. I just need to be willing to put myself out there to meet them.